Get ready to tackle your funny bone with these light-hearted puns about American football. From quirky quarterbacks to fumbling footballers, these jokes are sure to score some laughs. Let’s kick off the fun with a touch of humor!
American Football One-Liner Jokes
1. I tried to play football, but I was only good at the coin toss.
2. My football team’s bakery is great at turnovers.
3. I told my team to play like they stole something. They got five penalties for theft.
4. Our quarterback is so bad, he got sacked at the unemployment office.
5. The football team’s website is the only place they can string three W’s together.
6. Our kicker has a foot so accurate, he could thread a needle with a football.
7. I asked the coach if I could play quarterback. He said, “Sure, just don’t pass out.”
8. My football team is so bad, even our mascot asked to be traded.
9. Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarter back.
10. Our football team doesn’t play football, they play “catch and release.”
11. The football player’s favorite kitchen utensil is the ‘touchdown spoon.’
12. Our quarterback is so slow, he got flagged for delay of game at dinner.
13. Our team’s not allowed to play with matches because they can’t make a spark.
14. The only way my team could make the playoffs is if they bought tickets.
15. Our coach uses a GPS to find the end zone.
16. I asked the football player if he was an artist because he’s really good at drawing penalties.
17. Our team is so bad, the cheerleaders started cheering for the other side.
18. The football player went to the play but missed the catch – he had bad reception.
19. Our team is so quiet, they’re called the ‘library lions.’
20. The only bowl our team is going to is the cereal bowl.
Best American Football Puns
21. Why did the football team go to the bank?
To get their quarterback!
22. How is a bad football team like an old phone?
They can’t find a good receiver!
23. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
24. Why don’t football players get cold?
Because they have lots of fans!
25. What’s a football player’s favorite ride at the carnival?
The tilt-a-hurdle.
26. How do football players stay cool during the game?
They stand close to the fans!
27. Why did the football player bring string to the game?
Just in case he needed to tie the score.
28. What do you call a football player who goes to bed with his shoes on?
Anything you like, he won’t hear you!
29. Why did the football team go to the bakery?
They needed a good roll to win!
30. What did the football say to the punter?
“I get a kick out of you.”
31. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
32. Why did the football team go to the zoo?
To get a new lion-backer.
33. What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penaltea!
34. What do you call a lineman’s kids?
Chips off the old blocker.
35. How do football players stay so cool?
By chilling in the end zone.
36. What’s a football player’s favorite snack?
A goal-weenie.
37. Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around.
38. What do you get when you cross a football player with a payphone?
A wide receiver.
39. Why did the football coach go to the art store?
To find some good drawing plays.
40. What did the linebacker say to the taxi driver?
Block that car!
Most Funny American Football Jokes
41. Why was the football team bad at math?
Because they couldn’t count on their quarterback!
42. What do you call a football player who asks you to dinner?
A date-tackle!
43. Why did the football coach go to the post office?
To send his team’s offense!
44. What do you call an overweight football player?
A tackle box.
45. Why don’t some football teams use the internet?
They can’t string three “Ws” together.
46. What’s a referee’s favorite type of soda?
Flag Dr Pepper.
47. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
Because they needed a little team spirit!
48. What do you call a lineman’s favorite music?
Heavy metal – because of all the tackles and blocks.
49. Why was the football player a good gardener?
He always made great ground cover!
50. What did the zero say to the eight?
“Nice belt!” (Think of their shapes as football jersey numbers.)
51. Why do football players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads!
52. Why don’t some football players ever sweat?
They play it cool.
53. What’s a ghost’s favorite football position?
Ghoulkeeper.
54. Why was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back!
55. What do you call a dinosaur that scores touchdowns?
A Tyrannoscoreus Rex.
56. What did the football say to the punter?
“Stop kicking around the issue!”
57. How do football players communicate?
By huddle-lingual.
58. Why was the football team always in trouble?
They kept getting penalized for illegal use of the paws (joke for dog lovers).
59. Why did the football player go to jail?
Because he shot the breeze!
60. What do you call a group of football players stuck in a room?
A tackle box.
61. Why are football players never asked for secrets?
Because they can’t keep anyone from scoring.
62. What do you call a dinosaur that plays football?
A Fumble-Raptor!
63. Why do football players do so well in exams?
Because they know how to tackle the questions.
64. What’s a football’s favorite music?
Hip-hop, because of all the bouncing.
65. Why did the football team go to space?
To play in the “Uni-versity” league.
66. What do you call a clumsy football player?
A fumble bee.
67. Why did the football player sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?
He was learning how to draw fowls.
68. Why did the football referee bring a string to the game?
To tie up the score.
69. What did the football say after being kicked?
“I got a real kick out of that!”
70. Why don’t football players get hot?
They have lots of fans and air conditioning (AC)!
Conclusion
And that’s the final whistle on our football-themed humor session! Whether you’re a fan of the game or just here for the chuckles, I hope these jokes brought a smile to your day. Remember, in the game of laughs, we’re all MVPs!