70 Funniest Christmas Jokes

Here come some ho-ho-hilarious Christmas jokes! Here’s a bunch of merry puns that’ll make you the life of the holiday party. From Santa’s elves to the festive trees, get ready to jingle all the way to laughter.

Christmas One-Liner Jokes

1. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

2. A Christmas miracle is when you find parking at the mall in December.

3. Christmas: The time when everyone gets “Santa”-mental.

4. My in-laws and I were happy for 20 years… then we met for Christmas dinner.

5. I told Santa I’ve been good all year. He died laughing.

6. My family told me to stop telling Christmas jokes, but I said Yule be sorry!

7. The best Christmas present is a broken drum – you just can’t beat it!

8. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

9. You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger than you.

10. Why did the Christmas tree go to school? To get “tree-ducated” in wrapping presents!

11. My favorite Christmas album is “Frosty the Snowman.” It’s really cool.

12. Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.

13. Let’s hope Santa won’t get stuck in the chimney this year. Last year, it was claustrophobic!

14. Why did the ornament go to school? To get a little “tree-cher” education.

15. My Christmas lights are like the stars I gazed at with my ex—mostly broken.

Christmas Joke

16. If Christmas is just around the corner, is New Year’s down the block?

17. I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer – it’s 90% eggnog.

18. The best part of Christmas shopping is knowing that it’s all downhill from here.

19. Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental.

20. Why did Scrooge keep a dead battery? Because it was free of charge, just like him.

21. What do you call an elf who refuses to sing? A rebel without a Claus.

22. You know you’re getting older when Santa starts looking younger.

23. Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!

24. Christmas trees don’t like going into the past, they prefer the “presents.”

25. Nothing says holidays like a cheese log labeled “from all of us.”

26. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

27. I don’t know what’s tighter this Christmas, the economy or my trousers.

28. Christmas lights: the only thing that gets tangled faster than my earphones.

29. “Silent Night” must have been written by someone without kids.

30. Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty people live.

Best Christmas Puns

31. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!

32. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!

33. What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!

34. Why was the Christmas tree bad at knitting?
Because it always dropped its needles!

35. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

36. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
Saint Nickel-less!

37. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!

38. What do you call an old snowman?
Water!

39. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumbly!

40. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

Christmas Joke

41. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music?
Wrap!

42. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
He wanted to see time fly!

43. Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!

44. What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!

45. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
Sandy Claws!

46. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle!

47. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them!

48. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!

49. How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate?
He uses Comet!

50. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed a trim!

Most Funny Christmas Jokes

51. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!

52. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

53. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause!

54. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had low “elf” esteem!

55. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!

56. Why did the Christmas tree go to the knitting group?
To learn how to purl itself!

57. What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school?
Present!

58. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no-body to go with!

59. What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas card!

60. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

Christmas Joke

61. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis!

62. Why do bad kids get lumps of coal for Christmas?
Because it’s the original “block” chain technology!

63. Why did the gingerbread man get a job at the bakery?
Because he was a cut-out for it!

64. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!

65. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed a trim!

66. What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

67. What did one ornament say to another?
“I like hanging with you!”

68. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

69. Why was the math book sad around Christmas?
Because it had too many problems.

70. What did Santa say to the smoker?
“Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!”

Conclusion

Hope these jolly jokes added a sparkle to your festive mood! May your days be merry, bright, and full of laughter. Happy Holidays to all!

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