Let’s dive into some dry humor where the chuckles are served with a side of straight face. Ready for jokes so dry, you’ll be reaching for a glass of water? Here we go!
Dry Humor One-Liner Jokes
1. I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
2. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
3. I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I’ve got twelve fridges.
4. I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
5. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
6. Bacteria are the only culture some people have.
7. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
8. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
9. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet – I don’t know Y.
10. I asked the sun to chill, but it wasn’t up for it.
11. If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
12. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
13. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
14. My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.
15. I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.
16. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
17. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. Can’t put it down.
18. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
19. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
20. The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Best Dry Humor Puns
21. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left
when I was just a kid.
22. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
23. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
24. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
25. “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.”
Doctor: “Well, don’t go to those places.”
26. I told my doctor I heard buzzing,
but he said it’s just a bug going around.
27. I once got into a fight with a broken elevator.
I took it to another level.
28. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament,
but good players are really hard to find.
29. I have a joke about time travel,
but you didn’t like it.
30. A man walks into a bar
and lowers it for the rest of us.
31. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
32. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
33. My friend said I should have a backbone.
I spine-ally decided he was right.
34. I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
35. If a parsley farmer gets sued,
can they garnish his wages?
36. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
37. Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side,
only three more sleeps till Christmas.
38. I don’t trust stairs
because they’re always up to something.
39. My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
40. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already.
Most Funny Dry Humor Jokes
41. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner;
it was just gathering dust.
42. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
43. I don’t trust stairs
because they’re always up to something.
44. Insomnia is awful.
But on the plus side, only three more sleeps till Christmas.
45. I was addicted to the hokey pokey,
but I turned myself around.
46. I once heard a joke about amnesia,
but I forgot how it goes.
47. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
48. I used to be a banker,
but I lost interest.
49. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
Can’t put it down.
50. I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
51. My friend said to me, “What rhymes with orange?
I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
52. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already.
53. I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32,
since her birthday party will be two-thirds water.
54. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
55. I’ve started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
56. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
57. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store
does that make you an iWitness?
58. I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
59. A limbo champion walks into a bar.
They were disqualified.
60. My friend wants to become an archaeologist,
but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins.
61. I’m reading a horror story in Braille.
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
62. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam.
63. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
64. I was going to look for my missing watch,
but I could never find the time.
65. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
66. I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m okay.
67. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
68. My ceiling isn’t the best
but it’s up there.
69. I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
Conclusion
And there you have it—a collection of dry humor that could make a cactus chuckle. Thanks for sticking around for the wit without the waterworks. Stay thirsty for more laughs until next time!