75 Hospital Jokes to Make you Laugh

Life in a hospital isn’t just about stethoscopes and surgeries. Sometimes, a dash of humor can be the best prescription. Dive into these hospital-themed jokes for a hearty laugh!

Hospital One-Liner Jokes

1. I’d tell you a joke about an ICU, but I don’t want to keep you in suspense.

2. The phlebotomist had a vein sense of humor.

3. I told the doctor I wanted a second opinion, so he charged me twice.

4. Why did the doctor get an award? He was at the top of his patient list!

5. Whenever I feel ill, I go to the doctor and pay him to feel better about my bank account.

6. The germ-free zone in hospitals? That’s where they keep the bills.

7. The MRI machine and I had a magnetic attraction.

8. I’d tell you a constipation joke, but it hasn’t come out yet.

9. Broken pencils in hospitals are pointless.

10. X-rays are just a way for doctors to see through your excuses.

11. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if he’s cute, forget the fruit.

12. Doctors say you are what you eat. Guess I ate a lot of nuts.

13. Lost my patience waiting for the doctor; luckily, he found it.

14. Why did the nurse keep her phone on vibrate? She didn’t want any call diseases.

15. When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

Hospital Joke about doctors

16. The orthopedic surgeon knew the skeleton inside out.

17. I was going to tell you a joke about an unwashed hospital gown, but it’s a dirty joke.

18. You know you’re in a fancy hospital when they offer “bed and breakfast.”

19. Hospitals are the only buildings that always have a patient.

20. Told the doctor I felt like a pair of shoes. He said I was just too “soulful.”

21. Doctors say laughter is the best medicine, but try paying your hospital bills with it.

22. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He said, “Stop going to those places!”

23. Why did the doctor carry a thermometer? He wanted to feel the temperature of the room!

24. I once dated a nurse, but she had no patience.

25. Doctors are just surgeons with steady hands.

26. The world’s healthiest heart still skips a beat for chocolate.

27. Cardiologist’s favorite game? “Beat the Clock.”

28. Nurses don’t wait. They take vitals!

29. “You’re overweight,” said the doctor. “I want a second opinion!” I replied.

30. I told the doctor I felt like a deck of cards. He said he’d deal with me later.

Best Hospital Puns

31. Why did the nurse keep the bed?
– Because she wanted to lay down on the job!

32. Why did the doctor carry a red pen?
– In case they needed to draw blood!

33. Why did the scarecrow become a doctor?
– Because he was outstanding in his field!

34. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!”
Doctor: “Well, pull yourself together!”

35. Why did the nurse always wear gloves?
– To get a better grip on the situation!

36. How do you make a hospital bed?
– With sheets and pillows, of course!

37. Why did the doctor get kicked out of the fruit market?
– He couldn’t stop pricking the berries!

38. Nurse: “Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
Doctor: “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now!”

39. Why was the computer cold at the hospital?
– It had too many windows open!

40. What did the sick fish say?
– I think I have a sturgeon!

Hospital Joke about patient

41. Why was the math book sad at the hospital?
– It had too many problems!

42. Why did the doctor always wear glasses during surgery?
To see things in a better light!

43. Why did the surgeon go to the beach?
– To surf the net!

44. How do you know if a hospital is run by clowns?
– The MRI machine is called “MAGNETIC RESONANCE HA-HA-HA!”

45. Why did the bicycle go to the hospital?
– It had two-tire fatigue!

46. What’s a surgeon’s favorite instrument?
– The knife and fork!

47. Nurse: “The invisible man’s called again.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see what he wants now!”

48. What did the surgeon say after a successful operation?
“Suture self!”

49. Why did the doctor carry a stopwatch?
– He wanted to time his patients!

50. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I’m shrinking!”
Doctor: “Sorry, I can’t help you right now… you’ll just have to be a little patient!”

Funniest Hospital Jokes

51. Why did the nurse keep her job at the hospital?
– It had its “patients”!

52. Why was the doctor so calm?
– He had a lot of patients!

53. Why did the doctor get an award?
– He was a cut above the rest!

54. What did one hospital gown say to the other?
– “I think your backside’s showing!”

55. Why did the tomato turn red at the hospital?
– It saw the salad dressing!

56. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future!”
Doctor: “When did this start?”
Patient: “Next Tuesday!”

57. Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
– To get a spine check!

58. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, every time I stand up quickly, I see musical notes!”
Doctor: “Sounds like a sudden bout of sharp vision!”

59. How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
– One, but they’ll need four to assist!

60. Why did the doctor bring a pencil to surgery?
– To draw blood!

Hospital Joke

61. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: “Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

62. Why did the doctor go to art school?
– To learn how to draw blood!

63. Why was the belt sent to the hospital?
– It had a bad buckle!

64. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste!”
Doctor: “Try this medicine; it’s mint!”

65. Why did the cell phone go to the hospital?
– It had a virus!

66. What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music?
– Anything that’s not too “patient”!

67. Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead in the exit.”
Doctor: “Turn him around so it looks like he was walking in.

68. Why did the nurse keep laughing?
– She had a funny bone!

69. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, everyone thinks I’m a liar!”
Doctor: “I don’t believe you!”

70. Why did the doctor get kicked out of the kitchen?
– For trying to whisk up a prescription!

71. Why was the doctor always calm?
– He had a lot of “inner peace”!

72. What did the surgeon say to the comedian?
– “You crack me up!”

73. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a bell?”
Doctor: “Well, if the feeling rings true, come back!”

74. Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work?
– In case she needed to draw blood!

75. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a moth!”
Doctor: “You should see a psychologist, not a doctor. Why did you come here?”
Patient: “Your light was on.”


With humor, even a hospital room can light up with laughter. Remember, every chuckle is like a mini health boost. Keep smiling and enjoy life’s comical moments!


Leave a Comment