68 Funniest Toast Jokes

Prepare for a chuckle with these witty one-liners and toast-inspired jokes. Perfect for breaking the ice or just brightening your day, these puns are sure to toast up some laughter. Enjoy the humor and let the good times roll!

Toast One-Liner Jokes

1. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today. Should’ve used aloha temperature.”

2. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.”

3. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out!”

4. “I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.”

5. “I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.”

6. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

7. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”

8. Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.

9. “Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.”

10. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.”

Toast Joke

11. “Here’s to bread, for without bread, there’s no toast!”

12. “I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.”

13. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

14. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.”

15. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

16. “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”

17. “Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”

18. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”

19. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

20. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

Best Toast Puns

21. “To good friends – may they know much more about us than anyone else and still be our friends.”

22. “Here’s to the floor,
who will hold you when no one else will.”

23. “May you live to be 100 years,
with one extra year to repent.”

24. “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends:
may they never meet!”

25. “May you be in heaven half an hour
before the devil knows you’re dead.”

26. “To all the days here and after, may they be filled with fond memories,
happiness, and laughter.”

27. “Here’s to the nights we won’t remember
with the friends we’ll never forget.”

28. “May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.”

29. “Here’s to the Internet – without it,
we might have to talk to our families.”

30. “May we always have old wine,
old friends, and young cares.”

Toast Joke

31. “Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and seen us at
our worst and can’t tell the difference.”

32. “May your troubles be as few and
as far apart as my grandmother’s teeth.

33. “To our sons, may they have
hot moms and rich dads!”

34. “Here’s to staying positive and
testing negative in all aspects of life.”

35. May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you, and all your heart might desire.

36. “Here’s to a long life and a happy one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint—and another one!”

37. “May we never go to hell
but always be on our way!”

38. “Here’s to a big laugh, an easy smile,
a long sleep, and a good joke every once in a while.

39. “May your home always be too
small to hold all your friends.”

40. “Here’s to being single, seeing double,
sleeping triple, and praying for a quadruple.”

Most Funny Toast Jokes

41. “Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you,
the losers who’ve lost you, and the lucky bastards who’ve yet to meet you.”

42. “May you live to be a hundred years old,
and may the last voice you hear be mine.”

43. “To our wives and sweethearts —
may they never meet!”

44. May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be
in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

45. May your bank account be like the capital of Ireland –
always Dublin!”

46. “Here’s to champagne for our real friends,
and real pain for our sham friends.”

47. “May your life be as happy as
a billionaire thinks it is.”

48. “May your life be as organized as
your Pinterest boards.”

49. “May we get what we want, get what we need,
and never get what we deserve.”

50. “Here’s to being positive
and testing negative!”

51. “Here’s to our clothes – may they be as tight as our friendship and
as loose as our morals!”

52. “To our wallets – may they be thick,
and our bellies thin.”

53. “May your coffee be strong and
your Monday be short.”

54. “Here’s to wifi, coffee,
and a good battery life!”

55. “May you live to be so old,
your family talks about you in front of you.”

Toast Joke

56. “To the lamp – may it always be bright,
unlike some of our decisions.”

57. “May your hangovers be as short as
your New Year’s resolutions.”

58. “Here’s to the kids – may they be smarter than us and rich enough
to support us in our old age.”

59. “To gravity – thank you for keeping our feet on the ground
when our heads are in the clouds.”

60. “May you never go to jail, but if you do,
may it be for something epic.”

61. “To the aliens, may they abduct
us during our work hours.”

62. “Here’s to the hole in the donut –
may your life be as sweet and your waistline not as full.”

63. May your coffee be as black as your Friday and
your credit card balance as low as your
chances of winning the lottery.”

64. “To our phones: may they neve
die at an awkward moment.”

65. “Here’s to the second mouse,
because sometimes the early bird doesn’t get the worm!”

66. May your life be like toilet paper
long and useful!”

67. “To the elevator, may we rise to great heights and
avoid any awkward ‘down’ moments.”

68. “Here’s to the remote control –
may we always find it before someone else does.”


Hope these jokes added a slice of joy to your day! Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so keep smiling and sharing the fun. Until next time, keep toasting to happiness and humor!


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