70 Vampire Jokes To Make You Laugh

Get ready for a fang-tastic journey into the world of vampire humor! From toothy grins to blood-curdling puns, these vampire-themed jokes are sure to awaken your inner night owl. Perfect for a light-hearted escape into the supernatural, each one-liner is a bite-sized piece of fun!

Vampire One-Liner Jokes

1. Vampires prefer their stakes rare.

2. A vampire’s favorite coffee? A blood roast.

3. Vampires don’t diet, they just bite.

4. Vampires never bet; they’re afraid of stakes.

5. Why did the vampire start a garden? He wanted to grow some neck-tarines.

6. A vampire’s least favorite song? “Sunshine on my Shoulders.”

7. I once met a vampire with a cold. He was coffin all night.

8. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A garlic sandwich.

9. Vampires don’t play hide and seek. They play hide and shriek.

10. Why don’t vampires use napkins? They’re messy eaters.

11. Vampire’s favorite kitchen tool? The fang blender.

12. A vampire’s favorite Beatles song? “I Want to Bite Your Hand.”

13. Why don’t vampires like fast food? They can’t catch it.

14. Vampires don’t get jokes; they take things too literally.

15. A vampire’s favorite type of cheese? Munster, naturally.

Vampire Joke

16. Why was the vampire artist famous? His paintings were in every crypt.

17. Vampires don’t have many friends, but they have lots of blood relatives.

18. What do you call a nervous vampire? A blood-worrier.

19. Vampires don’t do mirrors; they’re not into self-reflection.

20. A vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play? “The Tempest” – they love a good storm.

21. I know a vampire who became a poet; he went from bat to verse.

22. Vampire’s favorite fruit? Necktarine.

23. I dated a vampire; it was love at first bite.

24. Why are vampires terrible at self-reflection? No mirrors.

25. Vampires: giving a whole new meaning to “a night life.”

26. Avoiding vampires? It’s a neck-essary skill.

27. Vampires aren’t real unless you Count Dracula.

28. At the vampire hotel, room service is a pain in the neck.

29. A vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.

30. What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? B positive.

Best Vampire Puns

31. Why don’t vampires ever get married?
They prefer a biting relationship.

32. What do you call a vampire 100 years old?
A little biter.

33. Why did the vampire go to therapy?
He couldn’t find his inner bat-lance.

34. How does a vampire enter a room?
Through the bat-flap.

35. Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
His bat flew away.

36. What do you call a vampire with asthma?
A wheezy bloodsucker.

37. Why don’t vampires like arguments?
They can’t stand cross words.

38. What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
“Auld Fang Syne.”

39. How do vampires keep their skin so smooth?
Bat-ter lotion.

40. Why was the vampire a poor liar?
You could see right through his fangs.

Vampire Joke

41. What do you call a nosy vampire?
A bloodhound.

42. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship?
A blood vessel.

43. Why did the vampire become an actor?
He had a flair for the dramatic.

44. How do vampires like their stakes?
Rare, very rare.

45. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?
Neck-o wafers.

46. Why did the vampire get a job at the bank?
He wanted to work with blood money.

47. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

48. Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
To improve his bite.

49. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.

50. Why don’t vampires use silverware?
They prefer the direct approach.

Funniest Vampire Jokes

51. Why was the vampire a good cook?
He always had the best bite-sized snacks.

52. What kind of pet does a vampire have?
A blood parrot.

53. Why did the vampire become an artist?
He loved to draw blood.

54. What’s a vampire’s favorite pastime?

55. Why don’t vampires trust anyone?
They all have biting personalities.

56. What’s a vampire’s favorite street?
A dead end.

57. Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
He had a stake in the stock market.

58. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

59. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
It wasn’t her blood type.

60. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A frostbite.

Vampire Joke

61. Why did the vampire become a chef?
He had a taste for haute cuisine.

62. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A bloodmobile.

63. Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
He was having a coffin fit.

64. What do you call a vampire in a raincoat?
Mac Dracula.

65. Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all come out at night.

66. What’s a vampire’s favorite dog breed?
A bloodhound.

67. Why don’t vampires have many friends?
Because they’re a pain in the neck.

68. What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
“The Merchant of Venice” – for the blood count.

69. What’s a vampire’s favorite coffee?

70. Why did the vampire join the police force?
He wanted to catch blood red-handed.


Hope you enjoyed this whimsical whirl through the world of vampire comedy! Whether you’re a night owl or just love a good pun, remember, laughter is the sunlight to the vampire soul. Keep smiling and stay fang-tastic!


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