Friendships can be tricky, and some pals aren’t true. Here are some jokes about those fake friends, but keep in mind, they’re a bit cheeky!
Fake Friend One-Liner Jokes
1. Fake friends are like shadows; they disappear when it gets too dark.
2. Why do fake friends make terrible gardeners? They’re experts at planting seeds of doubt.
3. Why do fake friends love elevators? They’re used to letting people down.
4. If fake friends were any more shallow, I’d be stepping in puddles.
5. “Ghosted” by a fake friend? At least ghosts have a presence.
6. Why don’t fake friends play chess? Sacrificing pawns requires loyalty.
7. Fake friends are like leaky faucets: consistently dripping and impossible to shut up.
8. I’d call a fake friend two-faced, but that’s an insult to coins.
9. Why do fake friends like dark alleys? Less light to reveal their true colors.
10. If a fake friend was any more toxic, they’d be a biohazard.
11. Fake friends: because sometimes life decides you need more fiction.
12. Why don’t fake friends need nightmares? They’re too busy starring in them.
13. You’d think fake friends are magicians the way they make trust disappear.
14. Why did the fake friend bring a parachute? They’re always ready to drop someone.
15. Fake friends are like bad perfumes: overpowering, lingering, and gives you a headache.
16. Trusting a fake friend is like storing dynamite in a fireplace.
17. Why don’t fake friends need sunblock? Shade comes naturally to them.
18. Fake friends and broken mirrors have one thing in common: seven years of bad luck.
19. Why did the fake friend go to the moon? To find a new way to eclipse your joy.
20. If backstabbing was an Olympic sport, fake friends would always get the gold.
Best Fake Friend Puns
21. Why did the fake friend bring a ladder to the coffee shop?
Because they always like to let you down!
22. What do you call a fake friend at the beach?
Sand-phony!
23. Why did the fake friend apply for a job at the bakery?
Because they’re so good at serving up croissants… I mean, croissants and lies!
24. How can you tell if you’re at a fake friend’s dinner party?
The knives are always in your back.
25. Why don’t fake friends need computers?
They’re already experts in copy and paste!
26. What do you call a fake friend who’s good at basketball?
A two-faced dribbler!
27. Why was the fake friend so good at poker?
They had years of practice keeping a straight face.
28. Why did the fake friend join the circus?
They were a natural at juggling stories!
29. What’s a fake friend’s favorite candy?
Backstab-bursts.
30. Why was the fake friend terrible at hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you’re two-faced!
31. What kind of shoes do fake friends wear?
Sneakers!
32. Why did the fake friend get kicked out of the fruit stand?
They were too much of a grape-vine gossip.
33. How do you play hide and seek with a fake friend?
Don’t bother. They always disappear when you need them!
34. Why don’t fake friends need to watch drama shows?
They create their own episodes daily.
35. Why did the fake friend get a job as a painter?
They were good at covering things up.
36. What’s a fake friend’s favorite instrument?
The backstab-ophone.
37. Why did the fake friend go to school?
To improve their backstab-matics.
38. How do you make a fake friend’s milkshake?
Add one scoop of lies and two scoops of betrayal.
39. Why don’t fake friends play cards?
Because they can’t deal with true feelings.
40. What did the real friend say to the fake friend?
“If I wanted a clown in my life, I would’ve gone to the circus.”
41. Why did the Grim Reaper refuse the fake friend?
He said they were overqualified.
42. Why don’t fake friends need to be embalmed?
They’ve been preserving their fake persona for years.
43. How did the fake friend stay calm during the apocalypse?
They were used to things falling apart around them.
44. Why did the fake friend bring a shovel to the reunion?
They heard burying the hatchet was a thing.
45. How does a fake friend read a horror novel?
As an autobiography.
46. Why did the werewolf avoid the fake friend during a full moon?
Too much competition for being two-faced.
47. Why don’t fake friends play hide and seek in graveyards?
They’re afraid of competition.
48. How do fake friends like their tea?
Cold and bitter, with a hint of poison.
49. Why did the fake friend never play Ouija?
The spirits kept spelling out “G-O A-W-A-Y.”
50. What did the shadow say to the fake friend?
“At least I stick around during dark times.”
Funniest Fake Friend Jokes
51. Why did the fake friend bring a flashlight?
They were trying to find a spine.
52. How do you light up a fake friend’s room?
Shine a light through one ear, it’ll come out the other side.
53. Why did the fake friend attend the funeral?
To make sure they weren’t being talked about.
54. Why don’t fake friends need horror movies?
Their reflection is scary enough.
55. How did the fake friend react to a zombie apocalypse?
They were just glad someone wanted to have a piece of them.
56. Why did the fake friend get kicked out of the graveyard?
The dead were afraid they’d steal their skeletons.
57. How do fake friends like their coffee?
Dark and bitter, just like their hearts.
58. Why did the fake friend go to the haunted house?
They heard ghosts were good listeners.
59. Why did the vampire avoid the fake friend?
Too much plastic, not enough blood.
60. Why don’t fake friends need Halloween costumes?
Their two faces are scary enough.
61. What’s a fake friend’s favorite horror story?
“The Day the Rumors Died.”
62. Why did the fake friend bring a compass to the party?
To find someone who’d gravitate towards their negativity.
63. What do fake friends and black holes have in common?
They both suck the life out of you.
64. Why did the fake friend always carry an umbrella?
In case of an unexpected shade.
65. How do you keep a fake friend busy for hours?
Give them a mirror and let them reflect on their actions.
66. Why did the fake friend go to the therapist?
The mirror started talking back.
67. How do you know a fake friend’s house during an eclipse?
It’s the only one that gets darker.
68. Why did the fake friend sit next to the campfire?
To have at least one warm feeling.
69. Why did the ghost avoid the fake friend?
Too much drama for the afterlife.
70. Why did the fake friend go to the witch’s coven?
They were looking for a brew as toxic as their gossip.
Conclusion
Hope you had a chuckle or two! Remember, while these jokes poke fun at fake friends, real friendships are pure gold. Cherish the true ones and keep laughing!